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Encouraging Pure Possibility

In the current climate in many organizations, there seems to be an ever-growing legion of naysayers and grumblers. Negative attitudes can bring whole legions of employees down (remember the saying that “one bad apple can spoil the whole bunch”?).

Although a leader isn’t expected to be Pollyanna, they may find it important to keep morale up. There is a way of taking negative statements and turning them around into pure possibility; a place most of us love to visit.

This technique, often used by coaches, doesn’t always work to bring spirits up (the real “Negative Nancy’s” may stomp out of the room), but it can sometimes change an otherwise unconstructive conversation into something more positive and open a window in a negative conversation into hope and possibility. It can also break through negative judgments and assumptions. Here are some examples of the technique:

Downer comment: “We can’t possibly accomplish that.”
Your response: “If it was possible, how would you do it?”

Downer comment: “It would take too long to do that.”
Your response: “If it takes too long, how can you make it short?”

Downer comment: “He has so much going for him, but isn’t performing well.”
Your response: "If that individual isn’t performing well, how can you (or we) help him to perform better?"

Downer comment: "I can’t talk to him ."
Your response: "If you could talk to him, what would you say?"

Downer comment: "I don’t have time in my day for that."
Your response: "If you had time in your day, how much could you spare?"

You get the picture. Try raising some spirits, hope, and possibility in your organization using this technique!

Leadership Lessons from Children

A while back, I had written a post on whether kindness should be a leadership competency. Whether you believe kindness should be a required trait of leaders or not, it is an aspect of being human that most people appreciate.

Children’s wisdom in knowing the art of being human came back into my view with a post by Tarah, a very smart and kind third grader who wrote about “How I Respect Myself and Others” (thanks to her mom, Lisa Rosendahl, also a wonderful blogger, for making us aware of the post). Tarah’s post reminded me that I was looking at my own daughter’s wise essay on kindness every day, well worth sharing with you.

In our laundry room is a framed essay written almost twenty years ago by my daughter, Briana. The paper that this essay is written on is familiar lined three-whole punch paper, and her words are written in pencil. The paper has yellowed. The words and the red smiley face stamped on the page by her teacher in the upper left corner are fading. Yet her brief essay remains a timeless reminder of her wisdom and a message for leaders in these tough times. Her words are captured exactly as she wrote them, spelling errors and all:

How to Be Kind to Others

You should always be kind to others. If you don’t know how, here are some good tips.

If you don’t like the person, you should always be kind to them anyway. If a person came up to you and said “I hate you”, you would not like it. If someone did that to you, you would know how it felt.

I think pushing, hurting, name calling, and hurting peoples feelings should be eligal. It should be a law.

You should never call people nams, you aren’t hurting them on the outside, but you are hurting them on the inside.

Aside from her message of the importance of kindness, Briana has reminded us of the importance of empathy and the hurt our words can do to the inside of others. Put yourself in the shoes of others in your organization. What kindness might you extend to them today?

Check out the October Leadership Development Carnival

Be sure to skip over to LeaderTalk, the Mountain State University site, for this month's great leadership reading in the October edition of the Leadership Development Carnival. The usual list of suspects are writing about leadership including myself. But there are lots of new bloggers too.

Thanks to Becky Robinson for hosting this month's Carnival!

Balance and Support

Last week I had the pleasure of attending the sixth annual conference of the Professional Coaches Association of Michigan. For the first time since the start of this organization, I went as a non-board member. It was my time to relax, balance, observe, learn and (most importantly) enjoy the support of my “tribe”.

There is renewal in connecting and reconnecting with like-minded people. Coaches are dedicated to helping others. But for these two days each year, we get to help ourselves to the balance and support of a community that cares deeply about our profession and each other. I am proud of the community that this organization has evolved into. The roots of community in this organization go deep into its beginning.

A little history lesson...

Six years ago, a small group of coaches from across the state connected with each other to talk about having a state-wide conference for coaches. We were a small community of like minded people who wanted to support each other, connect, and learn. We had no idea what we were doing, but knew that with the connections we’d made to each other and the dedication to our profession, it would work.

We each agreed to contribute a little over a hundred dollars to provide funds to start the first conference. I have fond memories for those early meetings where the group mission was shared, and support for each person as an individual was a given. The first conference was a success. Afterwards, we attended an “Advance” (not a retreat) at David Chinsky’s beautiful home on Lake Huron, and sketched out the beginnings of an organization whose values are Leadership, Service, Community, Collaboration and Abundance. All of these were evident last week.

It continues to work for us

Last week’s conference showcased the growth and professionalism of coaching in our state. I am grateful that the current board and conference planners have kept the original spirit and values of this community alive. The professional polish was there, but more importantly, the feeling of connection and community has not been lost. We help each other. We give more than we need to each other, but it works for us.

Coaching can be lonely business. Many of us do our work alone. The support we receive from a community of like-minded individuals is essential to our staying balanced and feeling supported.

Leaders: where do you go to assure your balance and support?

Genuine Inquiry

The post earlier this week on the Art of Inquiry prompted a wonderful conversation in the comments and inspired some reflection on what it takes for a leader to adopt a way of being that supports asking questions in a genuine way. The Art of Inquiry only works when the questions are asked with authenticity.

Before you adopt the stance of being an Inquiring Leader

If you don’t honestly care about the responses to the questions, or if you’ve already made up your mind about the answers, don’t bother asking. But if you truly desire to make your life easier by engaging, influencing, collaborating with, and developing your employees; then this takes internal transformation on your part.

The shifts in belief needed for a leader to be seen as genuine in inquiry aren't trivial. They take courage. They are:

From having all the answers to a willingness to enter the unknown. When we ask the kind of questions that we don’t have the answers to, it can make us feel naked and vulnerable. We live in a world where everyone (including ourselves) seems to look to us for the answers. What a burden it is for us to put ourselves in that position! Adopting a sense of curiosity and a learning attitude are key to entering the unknown.

From putting out fires to being completely present and available to listen to the answers. The truth is that it takes more time to ask questions and to listen to answers than it does to bark out an opinion or an order. But barking isn’t exactly the way to engage and develop your employees. They will learn through thinking and doing. Questions make them think and can start the forward motion needed for them to take action.

From hoarding power to having the courage to ask the questions that will distribute power and unleash possibility. We avoid inquiry because we believe that our knowledge is a source of power and that power is in limited supply. We may think that if we ask questions that empower our employees to reflect and act for themselves that we've given away some of our power. In fact, power can be shared with a net gain to all. When you empower your employees through inquiry, you unleash unlimited potential for you, your team, and your organization.

Enjoy the Art of Inquiry, but understand that shifting your mindset is essential for it's effectiveness.

The Art of Inquiry

A blogging friend, Steve Roesler, all around nice guy and a very wise person, writes great things at All Things Workplace, and has a new (free!) coaching e-guide out (available on his site). His post, “Do These and You’ll be Coaching” prompted me to write about my own take on how to design the best coaching questions.

As a leader, you (believe you) live in a world of answers. You (think) you’ve been paid to have answers, to impart knowledge, to tell. Your employees may have developed a habit of counting on you to tell them your answers. Yet they know the answers themselves, in their own way. They are wise too.

The greatest knowledge of all can be within the world beneath what is explicitly known, especially when it comes to unlocking the potential in your employees. This is the place where the answers are elusive to you and where your employees hold fast to their own wisdom. Their best answers are locked inside. These answers are the ones that will help them to grow and develop in the way that works best for them, for you, and will provide creative solutions for your organization.

Unlocking Potential with Questions

The key to unlocking this potential within your employees is to use the art of inquiry. This involves letting go of what you believe you know and asking questions that may take you into unfamiliar territory. That unfamiliar territory may just hold the answers you need.

What are the best questions to ask, and how do you create them to be the kind that will help your employees and your organization be the best they can be?

• Make them open ended: questions that can be answered with yes or no can halt conversation and thinking. A great open ended question can help a person to think deeper and come up with their own answers. Instead of “Do you want to learn something new?”, try “What new thing would you like to learn?”.


• Use questions that begin with the word “what” first: A great question that begins with the word “what” opens windows into thinking. Save the “how” questions for later – explore the “what” first. And – be careful of “why” questions, which can generate defensiveness. Instead of “How will you do that?”, first try “What will you do?”.


• Keep them short and simple: Complex questions that are “stacked” one upon the other are too confusing for the person you are asking. Keep them short and simple – these are the most powerful. When you consider helping your staff to stretch and develop, try “What are you passionate about at work?”.


• Ask questions that you don’t know the answer to: People can smell leading questions a mile away, and they often have the tone of a mini-lecture. But those that we don’t know the answer to are wonderfully positioned to help you learn, and are often those that will help your employees to learn too.


• Ask questions with a neutral tone and without judgment: The question “What were you thinking?” could be asked in several ways with several different meanings. If you are truly curious and don’t want to appear as if you are judging, make sure it is asked in a neutral tone of voice.
  
  After asking the question, one of the most important things you can do is to listen to the answers. And then listen some more. Steve Roesler couldn’t have said it better: “The act of listening after a question is a gift that few people get. Listening shows respect. When it comes from "the boss" it's an indication of trust in one's ability to problem-solve.” Beautifully said, Steve.